Vintage Sexual and Creepy Valentine’s Day Cards

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You won’t find these on the shelves of Hallmark Gold Crown Stores, although your grandparents did! Times and tastes have changed and eventually, your grandchildren will laugh at the Miley Cyrus Valentine’s Day cards they find in a drawer when they are poking around your house. There is one common thread, however, that runs through the history of greeting cards, and that is; the artists and writers knew EXACTLY what they were doing. Perverts, deviants and the worst humanity has to offer create greeting cards… and that’s today! Years ago it was almost as bad, except they wore skirts and suits.

So take a stroll through the days of sexual harassment, race denigration and puns based on jokes that made Woodrow Wilson smile. It’s time to feel better about being single, or help you drop a relationship. Just print and send these exciting cards to people in your life… who you want OUT of your life!

Happy V-Day! Now Take Off Your Clothes!

They say there’s a fine line between hugging someone and holding them tight so they can’t get away. It used to be that men pursued, women ran away until the man caught up and took his lip-lock surprise from the fainting female, giving up her virginity to her conquerer. Well, Madonna changed all of that and scared men into submission. Don’t expect these kinds of cards to be available outside of Lithuania or New Jersey.

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Very Punny!

There’s nothing like humor to win over your intended love… and these are nothing like humor. Some of the puns are a REAL stretch. Well, when you care to send your very best… these ain’t them. Of course, it did help win over grandma… unless grandpa was a sexual predator, like the cards above this section.

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Scary Love!

Cards with clowns never sell well and the ones that do give the child recipient nightmares for the rest of their single lives. Once again, blame the writers and artists that strive to bring you the “very best.”

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Speider Schneider

Speider Schneider is a former member of The Usual Gang of Idiots at MAD Magazine and has designed products for Disney/Pixar, Warner Bros., Harley-Davidson, ESPN, Mattel, DC and Marvel Comics, Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon among other notable companies. Speider is a former member of the board for the Graphic Artists Guild, co-chair of the GAG Professional Practices Committee and a former board member of the Society of Illustrators. Follow him on Twitter @speider

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